She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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