k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
