At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
