It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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