don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
