Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
