please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
