you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
