my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
