Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
