ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
