she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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