I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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