My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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