i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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