dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
