What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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