I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
