just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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