the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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