then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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