I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
