Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
