Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
