just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
