Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize