WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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