I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
