it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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