My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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