I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
