She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
