New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
