So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize