I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
