FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
