this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
