Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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