He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
