Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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