Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
