I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
