I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my shit smells like andre
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
