would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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