I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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