So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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