I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
