Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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