So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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