I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
one might say we're banned from that church
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
