if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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