I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
