yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
