Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize