the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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