2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
