small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
