Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ttyl tear gas
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
