i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
