Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
