i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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