There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
