and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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