whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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