sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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