Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
