he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
