i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
