I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize