so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
