Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
