chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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