I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
