brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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