I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
