I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
