Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
